Struggling With Superman


As I’ve gotten older I’ve had to face a terrible reality: I am not Superman.

In the last two years I’ve felt myself slowing down a lot. I’m not pushing it hard in rolls when I do them, and I haven’t been for awhile. If someone’s much more athletic and wants to just do circles around me, whatever. I’m not that guy any more. I used to be, but I’m not. It’s not a belt thing. It’s not that higher belts go slower. I’ve seen plenty of higher belts go all out when they roll. It’s not an age thing. I’ve seen plenty of guys older than myself go much harder than I do. It’s just a thing that’s happened from a lot of injuries and taking breaks when work was too stressful and prioritizing other things over the roll.

It’s been really bugging me lately that I’m not back to where I was. I mean, I invested years in working out and building techniques and I feel like a lot of that investment has been lost. I can tell you how to do a textbook yama arashi, but when I try it on someone it’s like my hands and my feet just don’t know what the other is doing any more. I feel like that guy who everyone suspects of having an honorary belt. I know the move. I know the setup. Come execution, flop.

It’s actually really hard for me to acknowledge that. It bothers me that I can’t follow the advice I could give people. I could tell them how and why their throw is failing, but for myself it’s like the knowledge is just gone. It’s embarrassing. It’s not something I want to readily admit. Having said that, if you’re feeling like this after a break from an injury or life getting in the way or anything else – you’re not alone. I’m right here with you. We’re going to be okay though.

We’re going to be okay.

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